Monday, August 5, 2013

you've got to run to her, jonah!

Or, Why I am A Dork—Reason #135,609.

Today I was driving down to Provo to volunteer with the senior missionaries at the MTC. They needed people to help tutor Russian, and since I just got back from the former CCCP, and because I really miss Russian, I went over to help.

On the way down, I was just jamming to some tunes, cruising down University Avenue when something went weird with the radio. The song stopped and it sounded like there was an ad from the 1960s or something, with this lady speaking in sultry tones. Shto-takoe? I could not figure it out for the life of me, and I couldn’t get the radio to come back on.* So I tried turning up the volume, and realized: It was Baroness Schrader from The Sound of Music! Apparently, I had accidently turned on the movie player that we have in our van, and now I was listening to the movie without being able to see it.

But did I turn it off? Ohhhhhhhh, no.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, it was at a great part. 

[okay. let's be honest. All parts of The Sound of Music are wonderful. just humor me for a little bit.] 

Like I was saying, it was at a great part

Like, the part where Maria is gloomily wandering around the gazebo, all alone, and the Baroness and Captain Von Trapp are watching her, and the Captain finally, truly realizes that he loves Maria and breaks off his engagement with the Baroness and then goes down to Maria and they sing a love song and kiss and get engaged. 

That part, my friends. That. Part. 

So, I turned up the volume. Of course. 

And this may or may not have been what I was like while I was listening to the dialog:

The Baroness: “And somewhere out there . . . is a young lady who, I think . . . will never be a nun.”

Me: That’s right. Go to her, Captain. Go to her. Go to her right now and confess your love. Ruuuuuuuuun.

 Captain Von Trapp: You know, I was thinking and I was wondering two things: Why did you run away to the abbey? And what was it that made you come back? 

 Me: You know quite well why she came back. And you’re just dying because you want to hear her say it. Say it, Maria. Say it, say it.

 Maria: Well, I had an obligation to fulfill. . . and I came back to fulfill it. 

 Me: Ahhh! Just say you love him! Just say it!

 Captain: Is that all? 

 Me: Of course not. Oh, just ask her already. Just say it already. 
Maria: And I missed the children. 
Me: Bah! Oh, he’s dying here. 
Captain: Only the children? 

 Me: See? Dying. Like all of us here. The tension is killing me.

 Maria: No. Yes. Isn't it right that I missed them? 

 Captain: Oh, yes. Yes, of course. I was only hoping that perhaps you. . . . Perhaps you might. . . . 

 Me: Say it, say it! 

 Maria: Yes? 

 Captain: Well, nothing was the same when you were away. . . and it'll be all wrong again after you leave. . . and I just thought perhaps you might change your mind. 

 Me: Aww, that's sweet, but she still doesn’t know that you love her! Say it, man! Don’t be afraid! 

 Maria: Well, I'm sure the baroness will be able to make things fine for you.

 Me: Oh, she is hurt. She’s so confused. And she doesn’t want to be confused anymore.  

 Captain: Maria. . . . There isn't going to be any baroness. 

 Maria: There isn't? 

 Captain: No. 

 Me: Bingo! 

 Maria: I don't understand. 

 Captain: Well, you can't marry someone when you're. . . in love with someone else. . . can you? 

 Me: YES! Now kiss her! Kiss her! Oh, it’s just so beautiful. Ah. So beautiful. 

 Maria: The Reverend Mother always says:  "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." 

 Captain: What else does the Reverend Mother say? 

 Maria: That you have to look for your life. 

 Captain: Is that why you came back? And have you found it. . . Maria? 

 Maria: I think I have. I know I have. 

 Captain: I love you. 

 Maria: Oh, can this be happening to me? 

Me: dying here. Just dying from the sheer goodness and wonderfulness of this all. ahhhhhh. [good thing I was in the parking lot by this point so I could just relish the in the glory of this love story.]

Oookay. Freak out done. For now. But oh, it’s just so good. I might just be a *little* starved for a good chick flick after 18 months.

Love it. love, love, love it. Gah!

And after that, I went to teach some senior missionaries about using чтобы. Such is my life.

Climb every mountain. 

*I still have no idea how that video started playing. No idea. No idea at all.


  1. This is great. I miss you. And TSOM is without question the greatest movie of all time. Well, OK that and Ronin (I have varied tastes).

  2. Hahaha this just made my day! I love reading your blog and am glad that you are back at it :)

  3. Sounds like you could use some serious Jane Austin movie time!

  4. Except, if you watch Sense and Sensibility, somehow we have to remove Emma Thompson's snort in the proposal scene at the end. Totally ruins the entire scene.