I went to the mountain.

Sometimes the mountains call your name. 

And sometimes the fresh, cold mountain air is exactly what you need to clear your head and strengthen your heart. Not to mention the goodness of kindredsoulsisters. 

I love going to the mountains in every season. I love how they change with the light and shadows of the different seasons. How the colors change. 

And yet, everything remains grounded. The same. Firm as the mountains around us. 

I am a mountain girl at heart. I was born underneath their shadows, and they have provided the backdrop for most of my life. 

And they provide the perfect place for reverie. And for reminders. 

i went up to the mountain because you asked me to

up over the clouds to where the sky was blue

i could see all around me everywhere

i could see all around me everywhere

sometimes i feel like i've never been nothing but tired

and i'll be working till the day i expire

sometimes i just lay me down, no more can i do 

but then i go on again because you ask me to

some days i look down afraid, afraid i will fall

and though the sun shines i see nothing, nothing at all

then i hear your, your sweet voice

come and then go, come and then go

lord, telling me softly you love me so. 

the peaceful valley just over the mountain

the peaceful valley  few come to know

i may never get there ever in this lifetime

but sooner or later it's there i will go

sooner or later it's there i will go. 

--up to the mountain, by patricia griffin 

who the hero took for lover

One of my dearest friends sent this song to us (and by us I mean emmers and me) a few weeks ago. It is hauntingly beautiful, and it captivates me.




I love how intelligent and thoughtful the lyrics are (with references to Victorian literature, even). And the music is just beautiful.

but when it comes to flesh and bones, you remind me of shalott--only made of shadows, even though you're not. 

everybody loves a hero, an image to create, 
antithesis of everything inside ourselves we hate, 
but you'd better close your eyes when it's time for them to die, 
cuz you'd hate to think the life you'd build upon them was a lie. 

oh, to reach through all your surface, just to find an empty pool
and to suffer all your pride, as i lay down by your side, 
and you swallowed up my heart, and left me a fool--
left me a fool. 

So sad. But so beautiful.

I know this song has to do with an ending relationship, but I think it can also apply to other things in life, too. Those moments when what we think we have is real, only to discover that we were fooled--"to reach through all your surface, just to find an empty pool." Accepting that disillusionment and disappointment cuts to the bone.

Life is full of those moments.

And you know what? It is also important to remember that the journey wasn't worthless. Even if we do find an empty pool at the end of what we thought would be something rich, full, and beautiful. The trick is seeing the contrast between the grey disappointment and bright expectations, the joy and the sorrow, the despair and hope. That tapestry of life.

The hills are alive

This is what it feels like when you drop a pointless, time-consuming class that doesn't even matter to your major or future life plans:

Best decision I've made all week.

Just a little war and peace

We've started reading War and Peace in my Tolstoy class.

We're only 115 pages in. There are 1337 pages.

I am so excited. It's one of those books that just dares you to try to read it. And we get to analyze it in my literature class.

Not to mention, I love Tolstoy. He is one of my favorite authors. The way he writes about life, love, and loss . . . he understands the human journey, and how life is made up of the prosaic.

And he makes the prosaic beautiful.

Also, I've been thinking about this quote from my Tolstoy professor all week:

"Mistakes are not fatal. They are often just missteps. But that doesn't mean that we are off course."

I love that.

And I'm looking forward to reading this epic.

All 1337 pages of it.

Overheard at BYU, the Returned Missionary Edition

Just a couple of things I've noticed this Winter Semester at BYU:

--There are returned sister missionaries EVERYWHERE. The wave has returned, and they have all returned to Provo.

Not that this is a bad thing. I mean, I think it's great that there are more sisters serving missions. But it adds a different demographic to campus. And it means that there are conversations like this around campus on an hourly basis:

"Sister Clark! Wait, what's your first name?"
"Aubrey! What's yours?"  (I kid you not, I heard conversations like this about fifteen times yesterday.)

Students going up to devotional: "Where did you serve?"
"Atlanta. What about you?"
"Chile. This is my companion."

I have heard more conversations like this than ever before. And they're all coming from girls. Most of whom are younger than me when I left for a mission. Crazy.

Did I mention that I'm really glad that I never have to be a recently returned missionary ever again? Because I am. I'm really glad about. To everything there is a season, I know, but I'm at at a different season now, and I'm a-ok with that.

-Also, just FYI, NEVER go to the student gym until AFTER everyone has broken their New Year's Resolutions. Just don't do it.

Year in Review via Ingrid and Sara

. . . so, a disclaimer first. I'm really bad at doing year-in-reviews. Like, really bad. I think part of it is because I divide my life up into seasons/semesters, not years . . . so this might end up being more of a semester-in-review instead of a year-in-review. Happens. And I don't even want to really do an entire month-by-month year-in-review. That's way too much work for me and no one really cares. (Okay, okay, maybe three people care. If you're really interested, just give me a call. And if you want to see a good year-in-review, you should read Dave Barry's. Because his are always hilarious.)

But, I decided that I need to do a shout-out to two of my favorite singers who I've listened to incessantly this year: Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. I love Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson, and it's kind of uncanny how well their songs match my life at exactly the right moments (especially in relation to the ups-and-downs of dating).

My love for all things Sara and Ingrid was only confirmed by Ingrid Michaelson's great new album in April, and I listened to it all summer. Soooo, the Summer of 2014 essentially became the Summer of Ingrid. Wahooooo.

Anyway. So, since I divide my life up into seasons/semesters and not years, here are the songs which I've both loved and related to this year.

Winter 2014:
Girls Chase Boys, Ingrid *
Everybody, Ingrid
Manhattan, Sara *
Between the Lines, Sara *

Spring/Summer 2014:
Over You, Ingrid
Be OK, Ingrid
Let the Rain, Sara *
Mountain and the Sea, Ingrid *
Breathe Again, Sara *
Hold My Heart, Sara *

Fall 2014:
Do It Now, Ingrid *
Afterlife, Ingrid
Are We There Yet, Ingrid *
Brave, Sara
Chasing the Sun, Sara *
Bright Lights and Cityscapes, Sara *
The Light, Sara *
Giving Up, Ingrid *


There you go. I realize that there are a lot of songs. I also realize that the majority of them are from Fall 2014--like I said, I'm better at remembering semester-by-semester, not the entire year. If you don't listen to all of them, the ones with asterisks are the most relevant. BUT all of these songs relate in some way or another. They document a growth-filled year where I learned so much about hope, expectation, disappointment, resilience, courage, and trust. I'm sure that 2015 will be similar, but in different ways.

If anything, I'm glad that these two brilliant ladies provide the perfect soundtrack for my life.

fireworks

. . . because that's what New Year's is for, right?