But a very, very cute drowned rat.

Last Friday I decided to join the ever-lovely Amberlea at the Salt Lake Temple to worship there.

As I was driving up to Salt Lake, ominous grey clouds gathered from the west and they were moving fast. The weather report promised severe thunderstorms and hail. I was hoping to get to the temple before the worst of it started.

Nope. No such luck.

I did manage to park in the Conference Center parking garage before the downpour started . . . but as I climbed the stairs and came outside onto the granite plaza of the Conference Center, there were sheets of rain coming down and forming rivers in the streets.

And there was no sign of it letting up any time soon--goodness, it had just started.

So I decided to run for it.

The temple is about a two-minute walk away from the Conference Center. I knew I wasn't going to get to the temple dry, but I wanted to get there as quickly as I could.

As my luck would have it, I got stuck at the crosswalk and had to wait an extra minute waiting for the light to change. All while buckets of water are pouring on my head, soaking my dress, getting in my shoes, and seeping into my temple bag.

The light changed and I ran across the crosswalk and the sidewalk. (I know--I'm a sinner. Running on the sidewalk. How dare I.) It was raining so hard that there was water getting into my contacts. I couldn't see because there was so much water in my eyes and I was blinking back the rain, hoping that my contacts wouldn't fall out.

When I got to the temple, I looked a lot like this:

Actually, I looked a lot less like the cleaned-up Liesl and a lot closer to Liesl when she's dripping wet and trying to sneak past Maria:

Yup. 

So, if you have ever seen The Sound of Music, then just imagine a soaking Liesl. Because that's exactly who I looked like. My dress even looked similar, except it was navy blue instead of rose pink. 

In other words, I was a sight. I looked like a drowned rat. It's fine. The looks I was getting from the temple workers were hilarious. It was even funnier because I was walking in with Amberlea--beautiful, put-together, classy Amberlea with her perfectly coiffed hair--and then I was standing next to her in all of my diluvial glory. 

It's probably a metaphor for something. 

[Sorry for the terrible lighting. This is the best picture we got of that night. After I had dried off a bit. Even though my clothes were still quite damp.] 

It's always an adventure when we're around. And I'm glad that Amberlea is around for the thick and thin, the storm and the sunshine. 

I couldn't ask for finer people in my life. 

Climb every mountain. Ford every stream. Or sidewalk. Depending on the day. 

P.S. If you get the reference I paraphrase in the blog post title, then brownie points for you. 

P.P.S. The Sound of Music also reminds me of this hilarious corner of the Internet. Enjoy. 

If you were a sno-cone flavor you would be my favorite one

It's summertime, which means it's sno-cone season.

Which means that Megan is a very, very happy camper.

Because sno-cones--especially from Snoasis--are some of my favorite treats in the world.

And when you combine sno-cones with sisters, there's no telling what will happen.

Like all of us jamming out to "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." (Because there ain't no mountain high enough to keep me from getting from sno-cones.)

And that awkward moment when the girl working at the sno-cone shack says that the sno-cone she just brought out was "for free," and when no one claims it, I'm like, "Is it really for free?" And then she says, "No, there's a person whose name is Free."

I don't really believe that.
Like, who names a child Free?
Then again, we are in the 21st century. There are children out there named Apple.
The point is, that sno-cone was not for me.
It was for Free.
Apparently.
Whatever.

Tiger's blood with cream and extra syrup, please.

Oh what a circus

Maybe it's something in the air during the week of Valentine's Day, but I've encountered some strange things on BYU campus this week. Like, more than usual.

-Like some guy outside the HFAC jamming out to T-Swift. "I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home." Don't get me wrong, I like "Enchanted" just as much as the next person, but I will never get that image out of my head.

-Speaking of the HFAC, people come out of there singing and dancing all of the time. Like, I know why. #vocalperformancemajors
But sometimes it just catches me off guard.

-Also, can we just talk about the library this week? People need to stop playing FHE scavenger hunts in there. Cawing like a crow in the library? Not cool, people. Not. cool.

-This might be just because it's almost Valentine's Day, but the library also seems to be the spot for couples to make out. In front of everyone. On the fourth floor. On the first floor. It doesn't matter. Really, people? Really? Like, I'm all for kissing, but maybe you'd want to do it somewhere more private? Like the stacks? Just a suggestion, just a suggestion.

-Speaking of private moments, this takes the cake. It goes like this: Em and I were at the library, looking for a place to study. We finally decided on the 2nd floor--the area where they play classical music--because 1) there were lots of open tables there, and 2) why not.

So, I was grading papers while Em was working on a beast of a Russian essay. People come and go--up the stairs, down the stairs, sit down, etc. The circle of life in the HBLL. Then, this girl and guy come down the stairs. It looks like they're friends, but they sit at different tables--neighboring tables, but different tables. The guy starts playing with his phone. Nothing weird, right?

Wrong.

Because, not ten minutes later, two other guys come down the stairs--a blonde and a brunette (we'll call them Blondie and Bruno. Just because). Bruno looks way too excited to be in the library, and Blondie looks nervous.

Bruno goes over and stands to the side of the tables, really awkwardly, while Blondie takes the seat next to the girl.

Blondie: "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"
Girl: "Sure . . ."
Blondie: "Well, I just have to say--" (starts to get all emotional) "Ever since I met you, and then ever since that kiss in the canyons, I just knew that I loved you and I knew that you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and just--I love you. And Alexandra," he gets down on one knee and opens a small black box, "Will you marry me?"
Girl: "Yes. . . . But did it have to be in the library?"
Blondie: "I couldn't wait." (Embraces her)
Bruno (comes in from behind and throws these violet flower petals on the happy couple): "Hey, oh hey, congrats. That's awesome."

Em and Me: (hiding behind our laptops, just trying not to laugh--because here is this incredibly intimate moment, and it's unbearably awkward and I just couldn't look--yet I had to. I absolutely had to.)

Blondie: "Do you want to get out of here?"
Girl: "Yeah."
They leave, while Bruno and the other guy pick up the flower petals, leaving Em and me to try to keep it together--because this is, after all, the library. But it was just too much.

So we got up to leave so we could take a walk in the atrium, laugh, and talk about the sheer awkwardness and horribleness of it all. As we left, a girl sitting at a neighboring table said to us,

"I'm so glad we were able to witness that terribly awkward moment together."

But really.

First of all, this really happened.
Second of all, just no. No, no, no, no, no. Do NOT propose in the library, people! Out of all the places you could, why would you propose to your future wife in front of a dozen students you don't even know?
Third of all, the flower petals. The flower petals.
And fourth of all, "Did it have to be in the library?"

Em and I are 98% sure that it was fake. But that other 2% of me thinks that maybe it wasn't. I can't decide which is worse.

In which I have another epic fail moment

First of all, you know those Pinterest Fail websites? I think they are the funniest things in the world. Because, my friends, schadenfreude. It is a real thing. Enjoyment from watching the failures of others. Ahh, I am a terrible person. But at least there's a term for it.

But really. I think they are just hilarious. I mean, just take a look at some of these epic fails:

This is what would happen if I tried to make it. 

via funnyuse.com

Those are just frightening. 

via funnyonlinepictures.com

Anyway. Pinterest fails are a favorite pastime of mine . . . both laughing at others' Pinterest fails and my own. (And if you want to see more epic Pinterest fails, go here, here, or here.) 

I've decided that I could start a  fail blog based on all the awkward things I've done. Because, if you know me at all, you know that I am both awkward and endearing. The queen of awkward. But I own it. Which makes it okay . . .? I don't know. In any case, I'm awkward. And I'm cool with that. 

This week, I had another FAIL blog moment. Here's how it went down. 

I was walking to the campus forum and I was climbing the stairs to the Marriott Center, when I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in about a year. We've been friends since sophomore year of high school, so you know, we're good friends. And we have seen each other's awkwardness. He's certainly used to mine. 

Anyway, I saw him and I decided to give him a big hug--because, you know, friendship. And then, out of nowhere, this girl appears next to him . . . a girl who he was waiting for and going to listen to the forum with. And she didn't look happy to see me there at all.  

*crickets* 

Me (thinking): This looks really bad. 

So we did quick awkward introductions and I backed off as quickly as possible. 

"Oh heyyyyyyyy. How do you know each other? Oh, that's great! That's just great. Yeah, nice to meet you. I'm leaving now. Enjoy listening to Mitt. I'm just going to go run away now. Okay, byeeeeeeeeeee." 

And I made a quick exit and disappeared in the crowd. Go me. 

Nailed it. 

Is it Thanksgiving Break yet?

In the past 48 hours, I have been twelve kinds of awkward.

-Accidentally walking into the men's bathroom? Check.

-Literally running into someone as I turned the corner in the JFSB? Also check.

-Forgetting to put the milk I just bought in the fridge? You betcha.

I probably have bright red lipstick on my teeth. It would be my luck.

All of the awkward. All of the time. I just can't help it.

That awkward moment

when you get frustrated at the person who has the book you need checked out from the library . . . and then you remember that that person is you.

90/10

It's beginning to look a lot like springtime everywhere you go on BYU campus. 

But the biggest indicator of spring is not the daffodils, the robins, Daylight Savings, or even the warmer temperatures. 

It's the sheer amount of couples which have appeared overnight, holding hands all over campus, and lingering at apartment doorsteps. 

My apartment balcony has a great view--not only of the Y and Mount Timpanogos, but also of the building next-door . . . which is full of young, beautiful, single girls who are frequently asked out on dates. 

How do I know? Because I'll be doing homework or chatting with roommates with the blinds open and then unexpectedly see their doorstep scenes. 

And let me tell you, last night the doorstep scene in the building across the way from us got a little ridiculous. 

You wouldn't think that a Monday night would be such a popular date night. I didn't, either, but apparently I was wrong. I stumbled across at least three doorstep scenes. Three. On a Monday night. 

The weekends are even better. Like, you can pull up a lawn chair, pop up some popcorn, and you've got yourself a real-life chick flick. Ten of them, even. All in one night. 

Hey, if it sounds creepy it's because it is. 

*P.S. Name the movie this post title comes from and you can get a front-row seat this Friday night on our balcony to watch the show. I'll get the popcorn. 

I love my birthdays, every one

Once upon a time I had a birthday.

And I had a birthday party and it was awesome. 

We made Russian pancakes (blini), played Soviet music, sang Russian and Swedish birthday songs, and I was surrounded by friends who love me.

Can life get better? I submit it cannot.

However, I'm really, really bad at taking pictures at parties when I want to talk with people and eat delicious food, so I didn't get any pictures of the party.

But lucky for me, I have a sister who took some great pictures . . .

. . . of herself. (I didn't see these until much later. But I love them.)

Well hello there, Katy. 

Gotta love birthdays. And sister selfies. 

On why I am a dork.

I'm up waiting to register for classes, so I figured it's a good time to write some blog posts.

I had some priceless moments today.

• First off, I think I'm really funny, so I laugh to myself as I walk to-and-from campus. Under my breath. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. Little do they know. 

• I'm a dork because I make a fool of myself at the grocery store. 

Case in point: Last week, my friends Amy, Sara, and I went to Smith's so that we could get food and not starve. Always a good option.

Well, Amy needed to grab something she had forgotten, and I decided I wanted to go with her (because we're both returned sister missionaries and sometimes still have companion withdrawals), but Sara decided that she wanted to stay by the cart. Cool. So we go and get the cranberries or Pop-tarts or whatever it was and go back to the cart . . . but Sara's not there. We shrug our shoulders and decide to go back down the aisles, looking for stuff we need, and then bring them back and wait for Sara. We're trying to save time, you know.

Well, after going past the milk and sour cream, I see what I need: yogurt. I love yogurt. It's like manna. I just love it. Especially lemon yogurt. I've recently been on a lemon yogurt kick. It's just soooo good.

Anyway. I saw the yogurt. And the lemon yogurt. And I needed it. Especially because yogurt was on sale for 10 delicious yogurts for $4. Need.

I start filling my hands with yogurts and then realize that I am not an octopus. Or an octo-mom. So I start putting yogurts in my purse, when Amy comes by and says, "Megan, are you stealing the yogurts?"

Does it look like I'm stealing the yogurts, Amy.

Oh wait. Yes. Yes, it does.

Another highlight of that grocery trip was running up and down the checkout aisles looking for Blue 5 Gum, when all they had was anything but Blue 5 Gum and I had to buy the gross Green 5 Gum. It is not as good. Just trust me on this one. You only want the blue gum.

This grocery trip today was much better. First, I did not steal yogurt. Second, there was Blue 5 Gum! And third, THEY SELL BELVITA COOKIES IN THE USA NOW! Be still my beating heart. BelVitas are the best things ever. Especially the hazelnut cookies. Oh. I might have just freaked out a little bit (read: a lot bit) when I saw those pretty cookies on the shelves.

• Remember how I think I'm really funny and like to laugh at myself? Well, my highlight of the evening was when I was texting some friends and being really clever. That can be a hard thing to do in texts. But I was pretty dang funny, if I do say so myself. So I was laughing to myself. 

Then I look up, and my roommate is in the kitchen, flashing me a peace sign and staring at me with this "you're crazy" look on her face. Apparently she'd been doing that for about a minute before I noticed her, all the while I was just chuckling to myself about how funny I am.

In my defense, it was a really funny text.

Another Awkward Moment

You know it's just one of those days when . . .

-- You start talking with a person you think you know (and she thinks she knows you), but then mid-conversation you realize that you don't know each other, but it's too soon to walk away and too late to state the obvious. So after some empty pleasantries you just look at your watch and say, "Oh! Time to go to class!"

-- You think you see a guy from one of your classes, so you start making eye contact and smiling, only to realize that it's actually said-guy's twin from a parallel dimension* and neither of you have any idea who the other is. But he still smiles at you and is probably thinking, "Score! A cute girl just smiled at me!" Never mind that she smiled awkwardly and semi-creepily at you and that you're not as cute as the real guy from class.

-- You jump and nearly knock over your books when the library intercom goes off: "It is now 10:45. The Library Circulation Desk closes in 15 minutes." I forgot it did that. Missions do things to you.

-- You try to have intelligent conversation with your peers and you keep staring off into space. must. keep. my. eyes. open.

-- Oh! And one more thing. Because I was just that good today. When you pass out your intro letter to students you're going to be tutoring, and accidentally also pass along a short story you're reading for your British Modernism class. It's even better when it's avant-garde feminist literature.

Yep. I am the Queen of Awkward.

Is it only Wednesday?









*Could also be the guy using a Time Turner. Wearing different clothes. And with a different haircut. Also, could be Polyjuice Potion wearing off. Totally a possibility.

I'm so weird it's normal

Yes, I am that crazy RSM.

[Note: RSM=returned sister missionary]

Now that I’m back from Ukraine, there are some things my poor family just has to get used to.

Like how I sing hymns in Russian now.

Or say, “ух ты!” all the time. [Pronounced “ook-ti!” It means, “wow!” or, “ooh!”]

Or how I’ve taught my 2-year-old cousin to say, “opa,” instead of “oops.”

And then, how I love chai (tea) now. Love, love, love it. Herbal tea. Mmmmmm. Tonight I had some chamomile tea and it was sooooooooo gooooooood. And I was just singing about how good it was and my dad was laughing at me. In a, “you’re cute, Megan,” way. He just doesn’t understand how good it is, or he’d be singing about how great chai is, too. So, so, SO good.

And finally, that awkward moment when you’re playing Just Dance with your siblings, and your brother gets too close to you as he’s doing a wicked-awesome dance move and you duck and say, “Don’t touch me!” yeahhhhhh. Sorry, brother. Just be careful around the RSM. 

So, there’s a taste of my craziness. I am now that crazy returned sister missionary. And I’m coming to a singles ward near you. Bwahahahaha.