If you take an 8 o’clock class, you will probably be late.
If you are late for class, you will miss announcements, explanations, assignments.
If you miss information, you will do poorly in class.
If you do poorly in class, you will not like the class.
If you do not like the class, you will look for someone to blame.
If you need someone to blame, you will blame me.
If you blame me for your failing the class, then you think I am responsible for you.
If you think I am responsible for you, then you think I am your mother.
If you think I am your mother, you will expect me to read you to sleep.
If I read you to sleep, I will read theory.
If I read theory, you will think and think.
If you think and think, you will stay awake all night.
If you stay awake all night, you will not wake up in the morning.
If you don’t wake up, you will be late for class.
If you are late for class, you will do poorly in class.
If you do poorly in class, you will lose your scholarship.
If you lose your scholarship, you will have to work an extra job.
If you work an extra job, you will stay up late to finish your homework.
If you stay up late, you will be late for class.
If you are late for class, you will do badly in class.
Don’t take this class.
If, despite my wise advice, you decide to take this class, it’s not my fault; it’s yours.
If, despite my wise advice, you decide to take this class, don’t be late.
But, I'm taking the class. Despite the friendly warning. Yay for English critical theory in the morning.
ALSO. *Warning. Commentary on dating life at BYU coming up. If you don't want snarkiness, passive-aggressiveness, or cynicism, then you should probably do something else. Like make and eat brownie batter. You have been warned.*
Okay, but can anyone explain to me what it is with the overabundance of Lavender Browns running around BYU?
And what is it with guys choosing Lavender Browns over Hermione Grangers?
Lavender Brown: cute, flirtatious, and fun . . . but also moody, needy, and a gossip girl.
VS.
Hermione Granger: smart, brave, and independent . . . but intense.
There's just a little frustration and angst over here (can you tell?)--but I'm not just speaking for myself. I've talked with other girls, too, and this is how many of them feel. Why are there so many incredible, incredible girls who are getting passed over for girls who just want to make out? (And I know that this is an over-generalization. And I know hormones are involved. And I know that this doesn't happen all of the time. And I refuse to believe that the good, smart guys just want someone who will make out with them. But still.)
I mean, yeah, Hermione is hard-to-get, but that's the point, isn't it? She doesn't play hard-to-get. She is hard-to-get . . . because she's worth it. Not that Lavender Brown isn't a great person and not that she doesn't fight and not that she isn't brave . . . because she has great qualities, too.
But really, guys? Dude. When you have the possibility of dating a Hermione (and when there are so many Hermiones at BYU), why would you go for Lavender Brown?
Anyway. Rant over. For now. But if anyone can explain this to me, I would appreciate having a good, long conversation about it. Preferably over brownie batter.
