The little things

-Costco Chocolate Cake is great for parties.

-The waiting game is hard. Especially in regards to visas and the like. Because you can't do anything except wait. And sitting still is not something I do very well. Grr.

-OneRepublic's "I Lived" is my new favorite summer jam. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

-My hair is getting longer. But I could still pass as Anya from Anastasia. 

-Yep. Lovely, sassy, intelligent Anya. Love her.

-You know those times when you're growing your hair out and it gets to an awkward stage? Yeah. Don't like those stages very much. But luckily my hair just grew out of that stage. So I'm a fan of my hair again.

-Whenever Erika and I are in the car, "Mirrors" comes on. Without fail. It's our song now. Love it. And love that girl. Lovely, sassy, and intelligent Erika.

-Speaking of sass, I had a . . . well, let's just say I had an incredibly sassy moment today at a service activity which explains a lot about my current relationship status.

We were making crafts, blankets, and dolls for a local children's hospital. I decided to help tie a quilt because #1--it's not that hard, and #2--you should really keep me away from sewing machines. People were deciding different things to do, and this one guy walks up to the group tying the quilt and quips:
"Not to be sexist or anything, but I think I'll avoid this one because this is women's work. *pause* Just kidding!"

Me (after staring him down for awhile and trying to decide what tone I should use--I decide on a light-hearted tone): Haha, you know, prefacing a phrase with "not to be sexist or anything" still makes it sexist.

Guy: Well, it was just a joke. I didn't mean it.

Me: Honestly, if you don't want to tie the quilt, you can say that you just don't want to do it. :) (Because there is no way to account for tone in a blog post. I promise I said it with the tone of a smiley-face emoticon. I'm not that mean.)

Soon after that, the guy decided to leave.
Guy: Well, I'm heading off. I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend. 
Me: Oh, so your girlfriend is more important than service?
Guy: Well, isn't that the point of singles wards? To get married? So I'd say I'm doing pretty well and doing what I'm supposed to.
Me (rolling my eyes): Whatever.

#ResidentFeminist
#WhyIHaveNoFriends
#WhyImSingle

I may have elaborated on this incident a little bit. (But only a little bit.) Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I'm making it sound. I promise. And sometimes sassiness is a good thing. Even in these scenarios. I mean, I became friends with one of my good guy friends after I called him out for his comments in a Russian literature class.

So sass can be good.

Right?

Right?

Oh well.

the black river of loss whose other side is salvation

thoughts for the day: 

Look, the trees are turning their own bodies into pillars of light, are giving off the rich fragrance of cinnamon and fulfillment, the long tapers of cattails are bursting and floating away over the blue shoulders of the ponds, and every pond, no matter what its name is, is nameless now. Every year everything I have ever learned in my lifetime leads back to this: the fires and the black river of loss whose other side is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know. To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

---In Blackwater Woods, by Mary Oliver                                                                                                                    [via] song of the day: i can let go now, nathan east, featuring sara bareilles

Out of the best books

I've been on a Mary Oliver kick recently.

So, for your Sunday refinement, here is a beautiful poem and a pretty picture:

Mysteries, Yes
by Mary Oliver

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.

How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity
while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds
will never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.

Let me keep company always with those who say
"Look!" and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.

Happy Sabbath.

"you guys are matchy-matchy."

sometimes em comes over.
just to make brownie batter and talk.
of course.
we're always talking.
about those little things.
big things, too.
but mostly those little things that make up life.
the prosaic, you know.
maps. quotes from tolstoy professors. chocolate chips.
rain. literature. chekhov.
and we eat the brownie batter.
on the kitchen floor, of course.
behind the counter.
because where else would you eat it?
and where else can you hide from the kidlets
who end up finding you anyway
and so you share of course.
because brownie batter is meant to be shared.
a little bit, anyway.

did i mention that we were matching today?
yeah. totally planned it (not).
but there seems to be this eerie telepathic connection
a kind of mother-daughter thing
where we wear the same things.
happens.

 emmers, i like you.
and brownies and maps with you.
refrigerator.

^^because haikus are my specialty. obviously.

some things are meant to be.

------------------

what will i do when we're in different time zones? 

[don't want to think about it. so i won't. living in denial is always a good thing, right?] 

Bruno Mars meets Jack Kelly

So this just happened and it's one of the greatest mash-ups in the history of mash-ups:



I just want to watch it. Over and over and over again.

Two of my guilty pleasures in one.

Now just add Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream.

Park City

. . . I've been meaning to post these pictures for awhile.

But let's just say Park City is great.

And so is family.

So put them together?

The best stay-cation ever.

 [main street.]

 [on the corner of main and heber.]

 [can't beat a location like this.]

 [or views like these.]

 [i mean. amiright?]

[hills are alive, baby.]

 [i don't know what we're doing. but being cute is obvious.]

 [don't mess with us.]

[also. just look at my face and my brother's face. like. we could kill someone.]

[also. we look like twins. even if we are nine years apart.]

[feel the rhythm. feel the rhyme. get on up, it's bobsled time!]

 [there was no cake at the cake boutique. we are not amused.]

[just some professional graffiti on main street.]

 [russian art. i loved this piece.]

[it's like an ice cream truck. except with books. so obviously i was in heaven.]

 [typical.]

 [typical #2.]

[i have cute siblings.]

[case in point.] 

The Morning Breaks

It has been two years since I returned home from Donetsk, Ukraine.

There hasn't been a day when I haven't thought of my time there.
Of people I served.
Of people I loved.
Of places I lived.
Of smells I had never smelled before.
Of feelings I experienced there--the highest joys and deepest sorrows.
How I felt the prettiest I ever had while serving there.
And also the ugliest and frumpiest.
And how I had never felt closer to heaven.
Or closer to hell.
But overall, every day I remember and feel the changes that happened to me while I learned to forget myself and go to work.

"For whosoever will save [her] life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose [her] life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.
For what shall it profit a [woman] if [she] gain the whole world, and lose [her] own soul?
Or what shall a [woman] give in exchange for [her] soul?" -- Mark 8:35-37

On a mission, you learn really quickly that you have to be there for the right reasons. And hopefully you learn that love is the most powerful motivator in the world. In the universe, really. True, deep, soul-changing love.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." -- John 3:16-17

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." -- John 15:13

And these people . . . these beautiful, extraordinary people that you had never even known in cities you had never even heard of become your friends.

For those that know me, you know that I love songs. I am a walking musicbox. One song that has always meant a great deal to me is "The Morning Breaks." It meant a lot to me before my mission--one of my ancestors heard the missionaries singing it in England in the 1850s, he was intrigued, he went to talk with the missionaries . . . and the rest is family history.

I gained a deeper love for the song on my mission. Of course it sings of missionary work. Throughout the world.

But to me, it sings of Ukraine:

The morning breaks, the shadows flee 
Lo, Zion's standard is unfurled!
The dawning of a brighter day
The dawning of a brighter day 
Majestic rises on the world. 

The clouds of error disappear
Before the rays of truth divine. 
The glory bursting from afar
The glory bursting from afar
Wide o'er the nations soon will shine. 

[. . .]

Angels from heaven and truth from earth 
Have met and both have record borne 
Thus Zion's light is bursting forth 
Thus Zion's light is bursting forth 
To bring her ransomed children home. 

The morning breaks over the East. The clouds of error disappear and truth goes forth boldly and independently. The glory bursting from afar as hope shines into the hearts of men and women. People who need hope so desperately in that beautiful, hurting land. God is bringing His ransomed children home. 

The morning breaks. The shadows flee.

And somehow--miraculously--God allowed me to be a part of that miracle. And still allows all of us to be a part of the miracle of redemption.

If we choose it.

And why do we choose it?

Because we love God.
Because we love His children.
Because we love Jesus.

That's what it ultimately comes down to.

It is impossible to truly describe the love I feel for Ukraine. For those beautiful Ukrainian people. For their culture, their traditions, their souls. For the cross-wearing, red-kerchiefed babushki; for the unpaved, broken roads; for the grey, Soviet-style doms and sketchy Soviet lifts; for the big, blue, arching Ukrainian skies; for the sweeping fields of golden sunflowers; for the rynoks--the haggling, straightforward, crass rynok ladies, the bustle, the surprises, the dead, dried fish that look like they are staring at you, the babushki selling homemade wares--everything; for the good, wholesome, Ukrainian bread; for that musty, damp, Eastern European smell; for the resilience, perseverance, and strength of the people there--especially the Ukrainian members; for people who are so willing to give; for the way history is marked on walls, streets, and faces; for Russian rap and that twangy, eerie Russian folk and pop music; for the beauty of the people there; for mashrutki and crazy taxi cab drivers; for the Metro and Tramvais; for chai with lemon, raspberry, and mint; for the feel of the place--unlike anything else in the world; for the fancy chandeliers in every home and apartment; for the way that people pray and for babushka blessings; for hearing people's stories--their hopes and dreams and beliefs; for winter melting and giving way to spring; for the struggle and growth and my own "kitchen chats with God"; for people who love me so deeply and for my love for them.

Ukraine, I like you. Love you, even.

[and there alone you kneel and you feel indeed, 

you wanna go and help every soul that you see.

you wanna go and share what you know inside. 

          and show you love them.]-- peter breinholt, call i hear

[i remember days when we laughed so hard. 

we walked along the roads in a country so far. 

i remember children and sounds in the streets; 

and we belonged there.] 

[and then the broken man in his house one day

he said he wasn't sure if he knew how to pray. 

then he tried and said what's in his heart; 

so pure and easy.]

[slowly turn around and see

there's a part of them in me.]

I will never apologize for talking about my mission so much. 

For remembering it so much.
For loving it so much.
It truly changed my life.
And of course life goes on after a mission. And you know what? I do not believe that a mission should be the "best eighteen months" or "best two years" of a person's life. But a mission should form the foundation for the rest of your life. And your life should be better because of your mission.

My life these past two years has been beautiful and hard and full--just like my mission was.
But my life today would not be the same without a mission.
It wouldn't be as full.
It wouldn't be as rich.
It wouldn't be as deep.

How much is my soul worth?

For God so loved Megan Armknecht that He sent her to Ukraine.

/via/