Peace
This week’s Advent candle represents peace. In thinking of a
poem I wanted to share this week, I kept coming back to a song, so I hope you
will indulge me.
“Be Still” is a song by the band The Killers, and sung by
their lead vocalist, Brandon Flowers. Over the past five years, “Be Still” has
been a song I have turned to (or one which comes to mind), when I need a sense
of grounding, calm, and peace.
This song has personal significance for me. The first year of
my PhD program was incredibly hard, intellectually and emotionally. PhD programs
in general are isolating experiences for a variety of reasons. One reason they are
isolating is because PhD students are usually far away from home, but they are
also isolating because they are so cerebral. You spend a lot of time living in
your mind (often trying to justify your decision to pursue a PhD to yourself or
fielding arguments from skeptics), and the people who remind you that you are
more than a brain are often miles away.
During the first semester of my PhD program, especially, I would
come home to my one-bedroom apartment and just sob. I was overwhelmed, I was
doubting myself, I missed home and the people who truly knew me, and I
felt very alone. To comfort myself, I turned to music, listening to my favorite
songs as I cooked dinner or washed the dishes.
I found myself returning to The Killers, in part because their
music reminded me of home, of the American West, evoking images of canyon
drives, of the desert night air, a palimpsest of languages, cultures, and
pasts. (Additionally, Brandon Flowers is a Latter-day Saint, so I often hear
echoes of Mormon beliefs and catchphrases, which makes me smile.)
But it was rediscovering “Be Still” which calmed me. I
listened to it over and over, lying on the ground with tears streaming down my
face, as the music and the lyrics planted peace in my soul. That didn’t mean
that the song solved everything. I was (am) still in a challenging PhD program,
with all the angst, uncertainty, and hardship that entails. But it planted a belief
that there could be peace in my life, even in the midst of difficulties. It is
a belief I still have to cultivate every day.
Peace is not the absence of conflict. Conflict is an intrinsic
part of human relationships, and opposition is a facet of living. But peace
eschews violence—to our communities, to our families, to ourselves. Peacemaking
is hard, holy work. It requires sacrifice, it requires humility, it requires
cultivation, and it requires integrity. “Be Still” reminds me that peace is
steadying, and it gives me strength to “rise up like the sun, and labor ‘til
the work is done.”
Be still
And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast
Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore
Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor 'til the work is done
Be still
One day you'll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve
When you've come back, tell me what did you see?
Was there something out there for me?
Be still
Close your eyes
Soon enough you'll be on your own
Steady and straight
And if they drag you through the mud
It doesn't change what's in your blood
(Over rock, over chain, over trap, over plain)
When they knock you down
Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Be still
Be still
Be still
Be still
Over rock and chain
Over sunset plain
Over trap and snare
When you're in too deep
In your wildest dream
In your made up scheme
When they knock you down
When they knock you down
Don't break character
You've got so much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh, rise up like the sun and
Labor 'til the work is done
Rise up like the sun and
Labor 'til the work is
Rise up like the sun and
Labor 'til the work is done.
(For a lovely acoustic version of this song by Brandon Flowers--singing at Senator Harry Reid's funeral--you can click on this link here.)
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