After Sam’s trip to Salt Lake City, we kept on talking and
Skyping, like we said we would. I kept wishing we were in the same place—it was
hard to make a decision over such a long distance, and I was reluctant to start
a long-distance relationship. But at some point in December, I decided to take
the leap and ask Sam if I could come and visit him in January, over the MLK
holiday. Our conversations were still going well, and I really did like
him—so why not take that chance?
Sam said he would like that, and so I booked flights to D.C.
while we made plans for what we would do while I was there. Museums, bougie brunches,
walks around the Mall, meeting up with friends, etc. When I got on the plane, I
had butterflies. I was nervous and excited to see what the weekend would bring.
The weekend brought only good things. It brought good,
clearing conversations about this new relationship with Sam with friends I
stayed with, it brought fun excursions to D.C. museums and restaurants with
Sam, and, most importantly, Sam and I decided to start dating. We also had our
first kiss in D.C.
[getting shakes at shake shack with two of my friends from cambridge, beth and jonathan. this picture was taken the day of our first kiss.]
[a newly-minted couple at the library of congress.]
We left that weekend on a high, and made plans to try to
visit each other at least once a month. To be in a long distance relationship
was not ideal for either of us (I don’t think it is for anyone), but we really
liked each other and wanted to see where things would lead. Long-distancing
dating changes the shape of the relationship, I think. At least, it did for us.
Long-distance meant that we talked a lot, and then when we were
together, time seemed to speed up. One of the most difficult things about
long-distance dating for me was that we were not as connected to each other’s
lives. I didn’t know his friends well, and he didn’t know mine. We couldn’t
just go grocery shopping together, or watch a movie on a whim. The stakes could
feel higher when we were together, but then when we were apart, time seemed to slow
down.
Recounting the next part of our relationship—when we were
dating—takes a lot of going back and forth. Sam came out to visit me in Utah, then
I would go and visit him in D.C. We spent long hours on FaceTime with each
other. I fell more and more in love with him, and knew that we had a good thing.
There were turning points as the relationship developed. We told each other that
we loved each other. I had an existential breakdown in front of him right after
a campus visit, and he comforted me, and in that conversation, I think we both
realized that we both saw a future together. We celebrated my PhD acceptances
together, and Sam was there to listen to me give my pros and cons lists about
PhD decisions. We talked about our values—about God, about our families, about
our missions, about politics, about spirituality, about literature, about
music. We met each other’s families and friends (even if I could only meet his
parents via Skype, as they lived in Tanzania at the time).
[on top of ensign peak in salt lake city.]
[windswept and happy.]
[contemplating eternity.]
[visiting oxford and cambridge together as girlfriend and boyfriend.]
[with sam's friend neil at little gidding.]
As our relationship progressed, we both thought seriously
about whether we wanted to keep dating, and whether we would get married. And, we
both had separate experiences which helped push us in the direction of marriage.
By August, I was making plans to move across the country to Princeton, New
Jersey, to start a PhD program. Both Sam and I were both excited that I would
be substantially closer (a 3-hour car drive instead of a 5-hour cross-country
flight). But we were also both thinking about where our relationship would go, and
if we wanted to move in the direction of marriage. I think I was the first one
to broach the subject, and I don’t remember what we talked about—just that we
talked a bit about it, and ultimately decided to just keep moving in that
direction. That conversation was important to me in framing my mindset about our relationship. For Sam, inviting me to his parents’ place in Tanzania for
Christmas that year was meaningful to him in moving the relationship forward.
[we talked about our future in the utah wildflowers.]
I drove out to Princeton with my mom, and Sam came a couple of
days later to help me move in. I remember that after my mom left, I was feeling
so incredibly homesick and scared for this new chapter in my life, and Sam and
I went back to my bare apartment and I just cried and cried. It meant a lot to
me that he would just sit with me and hold me. Whenever I recount this story to
him, Sam says, “Yes, you were really sad.” I was really sad that day.
[the day i moved to princeton and when i was really sad.]
The decrease in distance was incredibly helpful to our relationship.
(Me starting a PhD program was not helpful in smoothing the path of our relationship,
as it increased my stress levels, but that’s another story for another day.) Instead
of seeing each other every month, we were able to see each other every other
week, sometimes more frequently. Our relationship became stronger (despite the
strains of the PhD program), and we both started talking more openly about marriage.
[on one of sam's many visits to princeton.]
[one of my many visits to d.c.]
[meeting halfway in philly.]
I expected that Sam would most likely propose over Christmas
break, when I was visiting his family in Tanzania. I thought maybe he’d propose
on a beach in Zanzibar, since that seemed to fit both of our romantic expectations.
However, Sam surprised me with his proposal.
I was down in D.C. again, over Thanksgiving Break. Sam had
come up to Sykesville, Maryland, to have Thanksgiving dinner with my aunt,
uncle, and cousins. The day after Thanksgiving, I went down to D.C. to spend
more time with Sam. It was just a nice weekend, with beautiful, sunny,
late-fall days. We hung out with friends, we talked about work, and we talked a
little bit about the future.
Sunday morning, Sam woke up with the calm, purposeful
thought of, “I’m going to propose to Megan today.” He somehow got my parents’
phone number and called my dad that morning, since Sam knew that was important to me and my parents.
I did not know this. I was just having a nice morning with
friends, getting ready for Church. Although I did notice that when I met Sam at
the church building, he was in a particularly good mood.
After sacrament meeting, Sam asked if I wanted to take a
walk. I said sure—it was a nice day, and I had to leave to head back up to
Princeton in a couple of hours, and I wanted to spend more time with him. We walked
in the neighborhoods of Chevy Chase, Maryland, down from the chapel to a small,
quiet park a couple of blocks away, and sat on a bench which was hidden in
shade.
When we sat down, Sam said, “So I called your dad this
morning.”
I was really surprised. “Really? What did he say?”
Sam said that he would tell me soon, but first he needed to
ask me. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
I was taken aback, but I said yes.
The proposal was simple, sweet, spontaneous, and romantic.
There was no ring, just our promise to each other and the hope of the future.
[recently-engaged. pc: megan ryssman--sorry we couldn't tell you we were engaged yet, we hadn't yet told our families.]
To have to leave your fiancé just hours after you agree to
marry him is definitely not ideal, but I had class Monday morning and I had to
get back to Princeton. Sam and I called our parents together, and then I spent
the the drive up to Princeton calling my siblings, calling my friends, calling
my grandmothers. It was definitely the most joyful car ride to Princeton I’ve
ever experienced.
I was overwhelmed by the amount of love friends, family, and
colleagues poured out on us. The women in my cohort threw a small engagement
party for me. I received so many kind notes and messages from not only my
family and friends, but from Sam’s. Joy and love were multiplied, and the world
seemed to bask in a golden glow.
[The story continues in Part 4]
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