dream.

i was a little girl 
alone in my little world 
who dreamed of a little home for me. 
i played pretend the trees
and fed my houseguests bark and leaves
and laughed in my pretty bed of green. 

i had a dream 
i could fly 
from the highest swing 
i had a dream. -- "dream," priscilla ahn 

It's my last week of BYU.
That, of course, brings a whole flood of emotions.
A lot of nostalgia.
And a lot of gratitude.
Gratitude for the opportunities that I've had and the education I've received.
I am grateful for the people who have come into my life here and who have touched me in so many ways.
I am grateful that I've had a full time here at BYU. I have done so much. And (hopefully) given so much.
And I'm grateful for the person I've become.

long walks in the dark 
through woods grown behind the park 
i asked God who i'm supposed to be
the stars smiled down at me
God answered in silent reverie 
i said a prayer 
and fell asleep. 

i had a dream 
i could fly 
from the highest tree
i had a dream. 

One of the most enlightening pieces of life advice I've ever received was in a professor's office at BYU.
"It sounds trite, but what it comes down to it, the heart wants what the heart wants. So. What do you want?"
What do I want?
What are those desires--those innermost, sacred desires of my heart?
Those desires matter far more than we realize.
I received follow-up advice at a seminar table in Philadelphia last week. This woman knew nothing about the conversation I had had at BYU. She simply said,
"I'm so glad that you chose Oxford--because I think you really want it. And, I have no doubt you will be on the forefront of the intellectual stage . . . if you choose it. Because what you want really does matter."
What do you want?
What are those desires?
God grants us the desires of our hearts. He often directs us through those desires.
Following hearts and following God.
They are often one and the same.
Because if God is the giver of good gifts (as I believe Him to be), sometimes the thing that is holding us back from happiness is not God, but rather our own fears.
"I choose this because . . . because I want it."
"Then what more do you want from me?"

now i'm old and getting gray 
i don't know what's left to say 
about this life i'm willing to leave. 
i lived it full, i lived it well
so many tales i've lived to tell
i'm ready now
i'm ready now
i'm ready now
to fly from the highest wing. 

i had a dream. 

My time at BYU has been full. It has been good. It has been filled with joy, sorrow, stress, fun, heartache, euphoria, chances for learning and growth, and so many incredible people.

Those people--those connections--those relationships--have painted brushstrokes upon my soul. And have made the canvas of my life beautiful.

And for that I am grateful.

Choosing Everything, Brian Kershisnik

Song of the day: "Dream," Priscilla Ahn