The engagement vanity post

Here it is, the moment every girl who ever creates a blog has ever waited for: the engagement photoshoot photo dump.

But really. This is the entire reason I created the blog 8 years ago (not really--or is it?).

In all seriousness, I know that looking at other people's engagement photos can be fun. So I'm posting a lot of them so family and friends can enjoy them with us.

I'd also like to thank the incredible Bailey Scott for taking incredible photos, for providing good company, and for knowing all the pro tips for good places to go in Philadelphia. We certainly owe you, Bailey, and we love the pictures. Thank you.

[It wasn't nearly as cold as it could have been for mid-January. Hence, I could survive without a coat for more than half-a-second.]

[This was typical of most of the shoot--laughing at our own PDA.]

[Just looking over the Schuykill River. Which is much easier to pronounce if you pretend it's a pastry name.]

[The ring! It is blue tanzanite and I love it.]

[So cute. I love him.]

[And I think he likes me, too.]

[Good morning, Philadelphia.]

[This is part of a series called "Sam Explains Things to Meg."] 

[Meg answers back.]

[Meg is slightly skeptical.]

[Typical.]

[Also typical. I often look up like this.]

[yayyyyy]

[Channeling inner model vibes.]

[Bridge series where we kiss a lot--avert your eyes if you do not like mushy-gushy stuff. Oh wait. You're looking at our engagement photos. And if you've made it this far, then you probably like mushy-gushy stuff. Enjoy at your leisure.]

[Again, can't take kissing too seriously.]

[Cover photo material right here.]

[Also a fan of this picture. Also so typical of us. And has that "can I carry your bag for you?" vibe.]

[Now it's time for an art museum. This picture is also part of the "Sam Explains Things" series.]

[I like this one and I don't have a reason why.]

[Now this is part of the "Meg Explains It All to Sam" series.]

[Meg Explains it All, pt. 2]

[Meg Explains it All, pt. 3]

[Monet]

[Can't help falling in love with you.]

[Someone decided to do a "prom pose."]

[We scared everyone away from this hall. Go us.]

[I actually can't do the "smile eyes." It's either Soviet stare or smile.]

[Case in point.]

[Okay, but this Cezanne is actually beautiful.]

[Surprise, I actually really like him.]

[So many cool blue paintings.]

[This hall was one of our favorites.]

[And now a Soviet stare. What I do best. Sam's not half-bad himself.]

[That floor, though.]

[Lovers under the gaze of Founding Fathers.]

[I have a feeling Ben Franklin would approve.]

[Getting our Main Line groove on.]

[Bam.]

[This one is one of my absolute favorites.]

[Oh haiiiii]

[If you look closely, you can see the Philly Women's March happening on the Rocky Steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art.]

[That post-industrial vibe, though.]

[We weren't sure how these ones would turn out, but I'm a fan of the entire series.]

[BROWNSTONES.]

[So hipster-angsty.]

[Sam Explaining Things to Meg, cont.]

[I made a joke.]

[Sam makes a joke.]

[We both think the other is funny.]

[But apple-picking is a serious thing.]

[Five seconds after this photo, a delightful middle-aged man came by to get through this door (which is home to a drawing club) and invited us all to come see a Coen Brothers movie.]

[Street art for the win.]

[And after all of this, I desperately wanted a big, juicy burger. So we got some. And shakes. Naturally.]

If you've made it this far, I hope it didn't disappoint. Thanks again to the beautiful and amazing Bailey Scott for being such a wonderful photographer. And to you, dear reader, for indulging my vanity. 

A normal, brave thing

Yesterday, I turned in three term papers and officially ended my first semester as a PhD student at Princeton University.

[Princeton, the day after Dean's Date and after my soul felt so much lighter to get rid of those papers.]

I can hear you all cheering. Thank you, thank you.

But before you cheer too much, can I get real for a second? This semester was one of the hardest semesters of my academic career. (It's up there with the first half of second grade, which, yes, totally counts as part of my academic career, and which, as my mother will attest, was incredibly hard.)

Hard doesn't mean awful. (Though, to be honest, there have been some pretty awful things this semester--like getting double pneumonia halfway through the semester. That was the definition of pretty awful.) But it does mean hard. Moving across the country is hard. Reading 1500-2000 pages a week is hard. Making new friends is hard. Dealing with imposter syndrome is hard. Figuring out a new schedule is hard. Wondering if you've made the right decision is hard.

I'm not chronicling these as a tale of woe. Nor was this semester only full of hard things. Because making new friends is also exciting. Exploring a new place is thrilling. Challenging classes are also intellect-stretching. And there were (and are) moments when I stand in the courtyard between the Firestone Library, the Princeton University Chapel, and Chancellor Green and think, "Wow. I'm actually here."

But I mention what is hard because I hope that for someone, it is helpful to hear and realize that they're not alone. 

Because I know how scary it can be to admit that things are hard. It is especially scary when it seems like everyone else knows exactly what they're doing.

But most of us are just barely hanging in there, too. This is at least what I've gathered from friends I've talked with (inside and outside of Princeton). We're all just making it through and figuring this out as we go--all of us are scared and no one knows exactly what they're doing. And there is power in that solidarity. (Even if it is shared suffering, there is power in that.) And supporting each other in the unknown, uncertain, and unfair is a brave thing to do.

There's a picture I discovered recently by the artist Caitlin Connolly. I really, really love her work for a variety of reasons. But one reason I like her artwork is because of its unique simplicity. This one is a sketch called, "I'm Doing a Normal Brave Thing."

/via/

I'm doing a normal brave thing. 

I like the tension in this sketch--her head points one way while her feet walk in the other direction. Sometimes, our head desperately wants to go back to the way it ways, but our feet carry us forward. Also, sometimes things that appear normal to us appear brave to others. Sometimes things that appear brave to us seem normal to others.

I also like the quiet repose on her face. This is just life. This is normal. The tension is normal. The uncertainty is normal. But so is the peace which comes from quiet bravery--by choosing to live with those tensions and ambiguities.

I've thought about that phrase in the past few months, and how it applies to so many stages of life: I'm doing a normal brave thing. I'm going to school. I'm learning how to drive. I'm experiencing heartbreak. I'm learning to love again. I'm traveling somewhere across the globe to visit a friend. I'm driving across the neighborhood to help a stranger. I'm listening. I'm forgiving. I'm living.

The tension is real. The uncertainty is real. The desire to turn back is real. But so is the desire for change, mobility, possibility, and success.

Living life--and choosing to live life deliberately--is a normal brave thing.

And so, for me, pursuing and confronting and learning to embrace this PhD program is doing a normal, brave thing. For some people, getting a PhD at Princeton is the farthest thing from normal. To others, going into academia is hardly brave--it's running away into an ivory tower.

But for me, it's both normal and brave. Normal, in that so many people have done this and so many will do it in the future. I'm part of a continuous line of students that have done hard things--and harder things. I'm a normal part of this circle of PhD life.

But it's brave in that I'm the first woman in my line of women--from mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc.--to pursue a PhD. It's brave in the way every story is unique and every challenge is new, since I have not done it before. It's brave in that it takes resilience and hope to keep moving forward.

Coming back onto campus after Christmas Break, I did feel hopeful. As I walked past Dickinson Hall, I felt a sense of, Yes, this is where I need to be and it is right. It's a feeling that gives me courage.

I'm sure that this coming semester will be hard, too. It will be easier in some ways and harder in different ways than my first semester. But I believe I can do it. And I believe that all of us--no matter our challenges this year--can face the new year with bravery.

Making up for lost time--a quick end-of-2017 review

Well, it's been a little bit over a month since I blogged, and there has been SO MUCH to write about. I don't even know where to start. (And I am cringing inside because this sounds way too much like a journal entry. Which, come to think of it, my journal writing is also flagging behind. Ahhhh, help me.)

I'll write more in detail about most (if not all) of these updates when I have time (which will be after January 16th--three monster papers are due on the 16th for me so I'm not even going to think about really updating the blog before then).

But, a couple of important things happened over the past month-and-a-half, namely:

1. Sam and I got engaged!

The proposal was sweet, simple, and spontaneous (and a surprise!). We are both really, really happy and looking forward to sharing life together. 

2. I (almost) finished my first semester as a PhD student at Princeton! 

Almost, because of #papersofdoom. This semester has been one of the hardest of my life. But, like most hard things in life, I have also learned a lot from it. 

3. I went to Tanzania! 

Sam and I went to visit his family and it was a very memorable trip. Tanzania is beautiful and Sam's family is very gracious. 

[Those Zanzibar sunsets, though.]

4. I got to go home for a good portion of Christmas Break and it was wonderful to be with my family. They are such a support. 

[And Utah sunrises inspire me.]

Here's to a joyous and beautiful 2018.

P.S. I am thinking about getting a new blog website--I want to use WordPress instead of Blogger. Thoughts? Suggestions? Does anyone actually read this thing anymore?